Time Travel Hobbits
by Aspidosecelis
Summary: A story about Hobbits and Time Travel. The main character is a boring OC, the focus is the Hobbits and the Time Travel and all that whatnot. Yes.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Lord of the Rings, or Hobbits, or Magical Eagles, or Time Travel, or a car. As far as stories go, this is all fiction, so I like to imagine that I will, in the future, own a car. But not a job in accounting. Gosh, who does accounting? I don't own the concept of accounting for that matter, nor do I own the concept of parties. Or drowning in punch bowls. I don't own that. I do not own the first person perspective, perhaps Aspidoscelis ought to point that out, but she thinks that first person is free for everyone, so she's going to go back to using it now.

-Time Travel Hobbits-

This is a story concerning two things of legend, two things which should not be discussed except in whispers around campfires. Two things which have been known to strike horror into the hearts of the young, and which give even the elders trouble sleeping at times.

The first is a creature. A terrifying creature, of which we will speak later. The second is a concept. This concept is of the sort which most cannot quite fathom. A concept which makes one's brain stop in its tracks.

Hobbits. Time travel. Our story concerns Hobbits and Time travel.

It was a strange day when the stranger walked strangely into our land. Though to be completely honest, perhaps it was our land which was strangest of all. A strange idea, you may think, but to the stranger we were the strange ones. The stranger was a strange specimen, from strange lands. The best word to describe the situation is, of course, 'odd'.

He was short. Short like a Hobbit. Of course, we didn't know the truth at that time. Still, we referred to him as 'the Hobbity Man' and went about our business. It wasn't our concern that the great eagles had devoured the remains of Hobbitkind many years ago. He was short, but he certainly couldn't have been a Hobbit, and so we assumed he was a Man.

He had the most peculiar way of speaking, as if he'd not been jive with the new lingo. I daresay it was strange, but not so strange as to attract attention. As I said, we didn't know of his true nature. We would learn of his true nature much later.

I was working late in the office, doing some odd accounting mostly, and Janet was doing her best to keep me from actually finishing any of it. She was sitting on top of Steven's desk, which was precisely two and one quarter feet away from mine, and she was painting her toenails. Acid green. I loathe the color.

She was going on about some party we ought to be getting to, and I was doing my best to ignore her. Apparently there were going to be some interesting faces at the party, who I would be 'utterly, completely mad' to miss. Every so often she would fart, which got quite distracting. I mean, who _farts _in the middle of discussing a party? It's hardly ladylike, or all that civilized in general.

"-and I think you should go because you haven't been out dancing in, goodness, has it been years? Months at the very least. And I know it's because you're just a bitter old hag, but come on, you've got to get yourself out of this rut we'll go dancing, right? It'll be fun. Do 'ya want to borrow some nail polish? I SWEAR, actually, the color would look horrid on you, wouldn't it? It doesn't really go with your eyes. At all. Ugh, nevermind. Listen, the Hobbity guy is going to be there, the one from sales, you should come. He's got no idea how to sell things, did you ever notice that? No idea why they keep the dear around, he's not terribly useful. Always complaining about how he's supposed to get to Mordor. Psh, what is that, the warehouse he kills people in? He's got this ring, right, and it's like, gosh, it's like, he wants to destroy it or something. Total nutcase, you should come along just to see the guy. You think he got out of some mental hospital? I've heard stories about people breaking out and starting new lives in towns nearby, and like, killing people. Maybe he's like, schizophrenic? That would be great, wouldn't it? It would put our mudhole town on the map! Okay, not the killing part, but what if we got on the news after that? What about that? It's like,-"

She would have continued on in this manner, but at that very moment I threw a book at her. I don't recall which book, quite possibly the phone book, not that it matters, but I threw it at her and told her to 'please shut up'.

She glared at me for a few moments before getting back to her toenails. I waited the standard twelve seconds and spoke up before she got the chance to start talking again. Preemptive interruption, if you will. "I'll go to the party. We'll go in a minute, just let me finish up." She let me finish up.

I intended to go home and grab a dress of mine beforehand, but the moment I stood up she rushed me all the way to her car, practically abducted me, and was subjecting me to her version of a makeover in her apartment before I ever got the time to consider telling her to shove it. Ah, and she kept on talking the whole while. She also decided to start drinking early, and I was the one who got stuck driving her there.

"-and I don't suppose you've met Lewis yet, have you? Because he's a blast. A real scream. I just adore Lewis. He's a blast. We're here, you're ready, right? Right? Don't worry about it. You're fine."

She promptly got out of the car, flitted away, and left me to my own devices. I'm used to that sort of thing, don't assume it's all that strange. I flicked on the car radio, listened to the worst twelve minutes of music history, decided I'd either move out of town or jump off of the radio tower in the name of good music, then deserted the car in favor of the party.

They were playing the same music station. I should have expected it. Maybe, I thought, it would take too long to find the radio tower. I proceeded to dunk my head in the punch bowl, hoping for a gentle death due to drowning.

The Hobbity Man pulled my head out of the punch bowl, interrupting my burst of angst. "You look busy, do you mind if I interrupt you?"

"Of couuuurse not." I started laughing, realized there was probably some sort of heavy alcohol in the punch, then laughed some more. "What?"

"It's just that, you know, you were… drowning." He coughed, looking a little concerned.

"Yes. I was." I put my head back in the punch bowl, in the hopes that he'd leave me be this time. Technically he did, but I got my ass thrown out of the party pretty quickly, and the annoying thing decided to follow me out.

"So, why are you stalking me?"

"I'm Frodo, and I was going to ask if you'd-"

"Which mental home did you break out of?"

We stared at each other for a moment. It was the awkward sort of stare you get when two people who have no idea why they would ever want to talk to each other start talking to each other. "It was Sunnyfarmslandylandings, wasn't it? Or St. Francis of the Golden Bird Statue?"

"The Shire, Ma'am."

"That's stupid, there isn't a mental hospital called 'The Shire'." I proceeded to vomit all over the lawn. If I haven't mentioned yet, I'm a total lightweight. Didn't even need to drink the punch, really. "Okay, so how did you break out?"

"I walked out, you know, all paths form together like some river, and-"

"You walked out of a freaking mental hospital?"

He was still talking. "-giant magical eagle."

"Giant magical eagle?" I accidentally leaned over into my own vomit to make sure I'd heard him properly, and proceeded to vomit some more. "What giant magical eagle?"

"Don't ask. There was a giant magical eagle and time travel."

END CHAPTER ONE.

YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LEARN THE STORY OF THE TIME TRAVEL FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER.

BE SAD.


	2. Chapter 2

I still don't own Hobbits, though that would be cool, or giant eagles or LotR(except I do own the books and movies, in that I bought them, not in that I would own any rights to anything but reading/watching them and technically I think that means I only read or watch them on my own… So you can't have them. That would be against copyright.) I'm not sure I own my OC either, as OC is a pathetic sack of nobody, and actually owning them would be the same as admitting that OC deserves ownershipness. And I'm not a lawyer, I'm an art major. Really. I don't own a time machine/magical time traveling eagle, though that would be epic.

Chapter Two starts here.

Then a pair of Giant Magical Eagles swooped out of the sky and grabbed both of us. I wasn't actually expecting that, and I wasn't expecting for them to start time travelling either. Anyways, they did that. By that, I mean time travel, of course.

Before I had a chance to work out the details, the eagles dropped us in a tree and flew away to go hunt deer or something. So I sat there for a minute, and the Hobbity Man climbed out of the tree and looked around. "Where do you suppose we are?" He said.

"I have no idea. Probably the future." I watched a flying car fly over us, something which belonged in the future, most definitely. "It looks like the future."

"Oh not again! I'm tired of all of this, it doesn't even make sense!" He looked dejectedly around, his gaze eventually settling on a highway of sorts for the flying cars, which seemed rather ridiculous until I considered how important it would probably be to regulate flying cars in some way, to avoid collisions.

While he watched the flying cars, I got to work climbing out of the tree. Climbing out of the tree was harder than you might think, to be honest. I ditched my heels on the third attempt, realizing that Janet's fashion opinion meant next to nothing in this situation. I ended up falling anyways, but by that time I had already made it down to a reasonable distance from the ground, and didn't suffer any actual injuries.

"It was bad enough," he was saying, "for me to end up in the future the first two times. But now I have to do it again, and with some idiot who enjoys sock-hops and speakeasies!"

"I don't actually enjoy either of those, and I think you're getting your time periods confused. Were you reading books when you were stuck in our time period? You should have picked up a newspaper instead."

He ignored me to continue his train of thought. "You know, you'd be a lot more useful if you'd come from just about any other time period. What skills have you got? Math?"

I found all of this very offensive, with good reason. "Not just math! Accounting! Besides, Math is a useful skill, I'll have you know. At least I was in accounting instead of sales, like some people."

"Right. Because you were stupid enough to do a harder job for less money."

"It's more respectable that way! And I was in control of your money! I could have moved a decimal point!"

"And had yourself fired!"

"That's right!" I turned around and ignored him while he continued his long string of complaints about the future. It reminded me of my days spent listening to Janet.

"-worth absolutely nothing, if you ask me!" He got quiet, and I figured he'd run out of steam.

"You're done, then?"

"Hardly."

"So we're just going to agree that neither of us wants to be in this situation, and it would be for the best if we just got up and tried to find those eagles, right?"

We decided it would be a reasonable way to phrase our quest parameters and moved on. It wasn't like either of us would get home any faster if we kept up the arguing. Technically the eagles weren't going to show up until it was particularly convenient according to fate, but at least we could put up a good show of trying to find them first.

This led us into town. We both wanted a meal, so we made it our first priority. It would have been a lot easier to find a decent meal if the people in the future hadn't been so very health conscious. There were plenty of vending machines with various health smoothies and soylent products, but no actual restaurants. Apparently, nobody sat down long enough to eat in the future.

We found a set of treadmills, the closest thing to a park bench in the whole city, and discussed our options while the news was blaring from a radio across the way.

"So… I take it this mental disease of yours is contagious?" I was grasping at straws, but it would be better to go crazy than to be stuck in the future.

"I'm as sane as you are, you saw the eagles."

"That's what I'm worried about. So, what about this ring thing everyone keeps talking about?"

"Oh, that? Well, I can't do that until I figure out a way to get back where I came from."

He started humming. It was very annoying. Later I would learn just how annoying Hobbits and their humming could be. Humming and singing, that sort of thing. Don't even think about giving one an instrument. It's just bad.

"Can I see it?" Really, I was just interrupting. I didn't care much about the ring. It was the humming that got to me.

"I'd rather not-" He patted a few pockets, with a terrified look on his face. "Did you steal it? You stole it! No, you're too stupid to steal it… I dropped it. Wonderful. Just wonderful."

I wasn't the least bit offended by his analysis. At least he was counting me as an innocent.

Just as we started to give up hope, the eagles showed up, which was pretty typical for them. Never trust a giant magical eagle to show up any sooner than 'just in the nick of time'.

"There, tell the magical giant eagle that you can't find your ring."

Here ends chapter two.

Chapter three involves more magical giant eagles.


End file.
